So a few posts ago (more than a year in the past), I talked about sending messages to strangers I thought were really cool.  The one I still never heard from, but the other two have interesting outcomes.

I talked to one of them a ton that summer and even from time to time after the school year started up.  She was the one who said the letter was the nicest thing anyone ever said.

The other one apparently interpreted things a bit differently.  She evidently had told her friends that this random senior had sent her "love letters."  It turns out that she still considers me a creepy love-letter-sending weirdo to this day.  Excellent.  This is my legacy: the creepy senior that sends love letters to underclassmen.  I didn't find this out until I was in Indonesia and it really hurt because I chose my words with incredible diligence to make sure it was clear I was just being friendly and not romantic.  Anyway in all my frustration, I turned to the first one I sent a message to.  I explained my situation and asked if she thought my letter came off as a love letter.  I stressed the dilemma that I have in that I can't seem to compliment any girl without it turning into a creepy stalker kind of thing.  Her response was very helpful and pretty much said to forget about what others think about you.  Since then, I've not heard a word from her, about 9-10 months later.  This leads me to believe that she also thought I was making a move on her and that's the only reason she continued to respond.  True or false, I'm not sure, but I'm not in any position to ask and when it comes to someone who refuses to talk to me for over 3 quarters of a year, I have little reason to care anymore.

Moral of the story:
Tell people how you honestly feel as long as you are okay with the fact that they will never speak to you again.
Seriously though, the moral is that even if I spell out my intentions as clearly as possible, not everyone will believe me and this can lead to some unfortunate outcomes.  Therefore I need to wait until I have a girlfriend or until I know the person incredibly well before I share my mind with him/her.


As for an update on the rest of my life, I spent 2 months in Egypt this summer and now I'm taking classes at the University of Miami.  Go Hurricanes!

If anyone wants any more lessons on how to alienate people, I'm happy to assist.

I figure I may as well throw a post in here every several moons.  That will at least keep the journal from being wiped out by the man.

Since my last post, I spent 2 months in Hawaii, 3 months in the Philippines, 3 months in Indonesia, 5 days in Singapore, a month in New Zealand, a week in Sydney, and now about 2 and a half months in St Maarten.  Life is good as a scuba instructor.  It doesn't pay but the benefits of constant diving are well worth it.  Anyway, keep up with my travels not here, but on my other blog.  The link is in the previous post. 

I made it safely to Hawaii about a week and a half ago.  It's absolutely gorgeous, but you can read all about it on my newer, more frequently-updated blog http://robbiescuba.blogspot.com/
I'll update here every once in a while, but probably about as frequently as when I was in South Africa.

My time at Denison really is coming to a close.  It's now the 5th of May and graduation is on the 17th.  Very soon.  I'm done with my last class, I turned in my last paper and homework assignments, I have no more department picnics or award ceremonies, no more track meets, and my days are running out quickly.  There's a lot I have to say about the whole topic of graduation and leaving Denison, but since I have an exam in two days I'll focus on one thing in particular right now.

It's a really long story (ask if you want a discussion about it), but I need to keep this relatively short.  I realized that during my time here, there have been literally hundreds of people who I see on a fairly regularly basis (monthly at the very least) who I never got to know.  Out of those hundreds of people, there are a select few people (about a half dozen) that I'm very sorry I never got to know.  These people always seem to be very friendly and simply to radiate good energy - the kind of people I want to be friends with.  My interactions with them range from seeing each other from a distance every 2-3 weeks and never talking all the way through having class together and saying hi whenever we cross paths.  I've never really hung out with any of these people though - never really gotten to know them.  I decided that instead of only thinking a whole bunch of compliments, it would be nice to actually tell these people how I feel about them.
I don't want to pounce and corner anyone so I determined that the best way to voice my thoughts would be to send a message via internet explaining everything that I just explained and then going on to tell them how I feel, listing reasons why I think they're so cool.  I've sent three so far.  One has not responded at all.  Another one responded back with a relatively short message saying "that may possibly be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me," then continued on briefly informing me that "your chance [to get to know me] isn't completely gone."  I've not heard too much from this person since then however.  The third person, who I had a class with last semester, appreciated it a ton.  This person was very approving of my quest to tell people how I feel.  A few messages followed but they appeared to have a very faint "yeah you kind of missed your chance but I'll still message you here and there since I think you're pretty cool too" tone to it.

I wasn't really expecting anything in particular from sending these messages.  After sending these and thinking of sending more, I kind of wish people would do it for me.  People who I hardly ever talked to and don't really know.  I suppose that if I'm not too careful, this whole quest could have a very nasty side effect of making me very curious of what people think of me.  I don't think it'll really be a problem because I've lived for so long making a conscious effort to discard any thoughts wondering what others think of me.  We'll see what happens.

The last thing I have to say about it which I'm just starting to realize is that it's a really interesting indication of character.  This seems to be telling me that I'm more interested with the thrill of meeting new people than I am spending time with the people I consider my real friends.  When I lay it out like that, my mind disapproves and tells me that I'm an idiot for neglecting strong friendship bonds.  However the rest of me can't stop thinking about these people who I really wish I could get to know.  I don't really know how to interpret this.  Am I just not satisfied with the friends I have and reaching out to these strangers instead?  I don't think that's the case but I really can't understand why during my last couple weeks at Denison (when I should be soaking up the last few days with my best friends) I am instead making an effort to make new friends.  As ridiculous as it is, I can't stop thinking about these people.

Well, I think it's time to study and then go to sleep.  My last exam is a week from today.

Colleen really outdid herself this time.  Planning an entire elaborate surprise birthday party for me including getting me out of lab.  I was quite impressed.  I was very pleased to see so many people there for me too.


I thought I was going to have a long update, but I don't really have much to say.  I got my car back from the dealership and the turn signals are still acting up - they told me to bring it back after break and that they would take care of me (as in I'm assuming I won't have to pay much of anything if I've already paid a hundred bucks for nothing to happen).

Wow, I'm suddenly REALLY tired right now.  I go home on Friday (13th), then probably to TN to visit roommates who are getting a cabin, then NC after that where my sister is living.

Well, so much for that.  It's over as of this afternoon.  Even if it was unbalanced, it was still fun while it lasted.  I haven't really expressed it, but I'm pretty upset.  I feel like I was doing everything right.  Life has a funny way of being ironic though.  I have said in the past to a few girls that I'm not ready for a relationship.  So what happens when I finally am ready?  Yeah, I get the same thing back in return.  There's really not much more I have to say.  This has not made for a very happy day.  Plus I went to bed at 5am last night so I'm not running on much.  I'm about to go to bed now.  Yeah, I'm upset.  I hope everyone else is doing better.

She offered to come over for tea tonight - I'm so pleased.  For a while I was becoming slightly frustrated when I felt as if I was making all the effort to see her.  We sipped tea and talked for what felt like an hour before we both worked on homework.  I walked her back to her place which was fun (since I didn't wipe out on the ice).  It makes me so happy to be around her and I still wish she could see that.  I'll have to work on that.

It's just hard because when we do finally hang out, I completely forget that I was impatiently waiting for her to call me all day long.  It's as if all that waiting never happened.
She and one of her best friends Clare came over here for dinner tonight which was fun.  We ended up eating at the same time that Brian started eating his own thing.  I tried hard to make the conversation include everyone but it invariably ended up being  me talking to Clare and Vera, then me talking to Brian, and so on.  Honestly though, I think it's just me over-analyzing.  After dinner Clare left and Vera stuck around to chat and take care of dishes but after that we braved the cold, trekking across campus so I could show her my favorite building on campus - the observatory.  Very cool.
Now I need to do some laundry.
Oh, and the coach said I can't do pole vault this weekend.

I'll be home.  I'll be beside the phone waiting for you...
Vera, why won't you call?

As you know, yours truly has stepped back into the world of dating.  Vera's really cool and despite the fact that only 12 hours together preceded an entire month apart, things are going well.  You might have guessed however that I wouldn't mind if she called, talked, or hung out with me more often.  I love being with her but she's busier than I am this semester (I have my least busy semester ever right now).  It's just that it's getting to the point that I'm afraid I'm calling her too much so even if all I want to do is call her, I'll force myself not to.  I've already texted a couple times today since we saw each other at lunch and I've not received a reply to either one.  By now she's probably asleep so it's no use anyway.  Well, I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and cherish the time we spend together.

In other news, I played with the church band today and it was a lot of fun.  :D  I got a lot of compliments and I felt like I really added a lot to the music.  Plus I had a great time doing it.  Hooray.  Good times.

In other other news, I had my first track meet yesterday!  There were 7 guys competing in the high jump and I tied for second!  Not bad for my fist meet in 8 years, eh?  I cleared 5'10" but got caught at 6 feet, which is nothing out of the ordinary.  My goal this year is to jump at least 6'2", so I'll have to keep working.  I think on my last jump I would have had 5'11" because I only barely pushed the bar off.  Anyway, I feel accomplished about it.  This Saturday Denison is hosting a relay meet.  Apparently it means that EVERY event is done with pairs (or more I suppose) including field events.  Scores of both competitors are added for a total partner score.  Bill Horn, the pole vaulter is going to do the high jump with me and I am going to do pole vault with him.  It should be fun.  I'll try to keep updated here.

Cheers!

I passed the comprehensive exam!  This means I will be able to graduate with the rest of my class!  Hooray!